Feeling Defeated

I've spent the better part of the morning researching bipolar medications trying to find one that is relatively safe for the kiddo. Pretty much all of them can cause tardive dyskynesia, which automatically takes them off our list. We have an appointment tomorrow with the psychiatrist. I'm not holding my breath that we will find the right med for the kiddo. I'm praying once he's completely off the abilify that we don't have a return of violent mood swings and such. I'm praying we can actually take a go at this without medication until we see the nuerologist. I'm scared once we're completely off medications that he's going to become manic again forcing us into hospitalization once again and I'm not sure I can deal with that again. Mood disorders are such a horribly ugly thing and sometimes it takes all I have just to get through the day.