Saturday, May 30, 2009

so we've been doing ABA for a month now..

I really like our ABA therapist. She's amazing with the kiddo and he loves her. She has some of the most simple ideas that work wonders. Often I'm left wondering "well why the hell didn't I think of that?" We've got a reward system in place for him to help him control his anger. It's working somewhat. She made him a binder with anger management stuff in it that we need to keep going over I think. She gets him to do his homework with ease, he even asks to do it with her instead of me on days she's coming. I think this is a good thing.

Lately I've been really taking a look at things. I wonder if he is truly on the autism spectrum. I don't doubt in a few years someone will give us a whole new diagnosis. I'm so confused about everything. Everyone who meets him says "he doesn't seem like he has aspergers" but to me he does.. based on everything I've learned about it. I dunno. At least right now we can get help that will be good for us. We've got the ABA therapist and I think that's helping us tremendously. I'm learning different and better ways to deal with things, he's learning coping skills from someone other than me. We're all learning something here.

I hope it continues to go well for us. With everything else, we need a bit of good. Hopefully he will continue to respond to her and he will continue to learn coping strategies. I just want him to grow up to have a normal life. No matter what he is labeled with.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

hmmm it's been awhile...

I'm tired. What else is new. It's been awhile since I've written. Things are slowly improving with the kiddo. I dunno, things still suck quite often. Right now he's passed out on the couch after having a meltdown (in front of the new neighbor nonetheless) and throwing things at me. I'm sure he hurt himself in the process too because he smacked the back of his hand on his scooter. I'm not even sure where that is right now. I'm frustrated to no end right now. I'm tired and frustrated. Our new psych is fucking useless. We still have not found the right combination of medication for Connor and I'm over it. I'm ready to say fuck you to them all and just take him off everything. It kills me that he's on so many different strong medications and nothing is helping him. What the fuck? I know.. trial and error and all that bullshit, but enough is enough. Yeah, I'm pissed off. I'm tired, frustrated and pissed off. I hate this shit so much. I love my son to the moon and back, but I'm so sick and tired of this. I hate being afraid to go anywhere because I'm afraid he will lose it, I hate having people over for the same reason. My time, energy and all my focus goes towards making sure he is happy and I get lost in the insanity. My marriage is a joke, I'm fucking exhausted and I just want some sense of normalcy in my life. Is that too much to ask?