hmmm it's been awhile...

I'm tired. What else is new. It's been awhile since I've written. Things are slowly improving with the kiddo. I dunno, things still suck quite often. Right now he's passed out on the couch after having a meltdown (in front of the new neighbor nonetheless) and throwing things at me. I'm sure he hurt himself in the process too because he smacked the back of his hand on his scooter. I'm not even sure where that is right now. I'm frustrated to no end right now. I'm tired and frustrated. Our new psych is fucking useless. We still have not found the right combination of medication for Connor and I'm over it. I'm ready to say fuck you to them all and just take him off everything. It kills me that he's on so many different strong medications and nothing is helping him. What the fuck? I know.. trial and error and all that bullshit, but enough is enough. Yeah, I'm pissed off. I'm tired, frustrated and pissed off. I hate this shit so much. I love my son to the moon and back, but I'm so sick and tired of this. I hate being afraid to go anywhere because I'm afraid he will lose it, I hate having people over for the same reason. My time, energy and all my focus goes towards making sure he is happy and I get lost in the insanity. My marriage is a joke, I'm fucking exhausted and I just want some sense of normalcy in my life. Is that too much to ask?