Something I just don't understand...

Why do parents/step parents not keep their children's best interests in mind? Why do they not notice how much they upset their kids with their actions? I saw a situation yesterday where a mom and a step mom were arguing, presumably over who had the right to be there with the child in question. The poor child in question wanted them both there and had a seat on either side of her. The child just sat quietly looking so sad and finally one of them left and the other went to sit with the child.

I just don't get it. Ya know what? I don't give a rats behind if you don't like each other. You can say whatever you want about each other, if the child is not in the same room witnessing it. Grow the fuck up and be an adult about things. It makes me so sad to see shit like that happening. The child is the one who suffers in this situation. You are doing more damage to the poor innocent child than you are to each other with the insults and the arguing. I wish people could realize what they are doing!

I am the product of a divorced mom and dad. I had step parents growing up, and NEVER once did one say anything bad about the other. My Mom defended my biological father whenever I would say bad things about him, once I realized what a scum bag he is. She never spoke a bad word about my first step mother, they got along fine.

I have a lot of respect for the way my Mom handled things, she didn't have to. My biological dad is a scum bag. He cheated on her while she was pregnant with my sister, he comes in and out of lives without any warning or caring whose heart he's breaking, he's an ass. Despite all that, I did not know why my parents seperated until I was an adult. I had no clue of the shitty things he did to my Mom that caused the divorce to happen. It was just not something she wanted us to know because again.. she encouraged us to have a relationship with him and never talked shit about him.

I just don't get it. The child(ren) should be the main focus here. Personal feelings have to be put aside, deal with it in private if you must, but not in front of the child. :-( I hate seeing shit like this happen. It breaks my heart for the poor child yesterday who had to watch two people s/he loves acting in that manner.

And sadly, I'm not talking about just this one situation. This one just happens to be fresh on my mind, but I see it so often these days. Split up couples, one parent bad mouthing to other to the kids, the split up parents or the steps arguing in front of the kids.. it makes me so sad. Keep it away from the kids. It's not the kids fault you split up, stop making them feel like it is by arguing about them in front of them!

McCain Likes War Mommy

Those were the words that came out of the kiddo's mouth earlier. "McCain likes war". After picking my jaw up off the floor, I said "huh?" (I mean really, what else do you say to a 7 year old when he says that to you?!) He said it again and then added "Obama doesn't like war, so I would vote for him." (*thud* jaw hitting the floor again and me picking it up)

Thus begining the oh so sensitive conversation with my 7 year old about the differences in like war and not liking war and that not being the real issue here. How do you explain "war" to a 7 year old? I mean seriously.. without saying too much, without saying too little, without sharing my own politcal biases.

I carefully explained to him that no one "likes" war. Some people just have different ideas of how the "war" should be handled. I explained what "war" they were even talking as gently as I could without him getting nervous about it. It's hard enough to explain it to a kid, but makes it a million times harder when they start to put two and two together and come up with the fact that's what Daddy does for a living!

I had no idea that he even really knew much about the election. I'm not one to discuss my political views. I won't necessarily openly support one canidate over another because who I support is my own personal decision. I do have my preferences but honestly right now, my biggest concerns are military, education, military and education.. did I mention military and education? Out of all the political stances, those are my two biggest issues for me and it's a lot more complicated than "McCain likes war Mommy".

Ohhh and I asked him where he heard such a thing (after the jaw was picked up and before the sensitive conversation) and he said "Oh little Johnny told me at school" (name changed to protect the innocent LOL) Then went on to tell me a few other friends had mentioned it too.

Have I mentioned I can't believe how educated our kids are on politics these days? Geez just the other day I was talking about the fifth graders and their discussion, I never woulda thought my second grader woulda come home and tell me that!

wondering how long is too long

How long is too long? For around five years now our poor kiddo has had chronic constipation. No explanation as to why, it happened very suddenly with no warning, no obvious reason, nothing. All of the sudden he was constipated.. no changes in diet, no changes in fluid intake, just all of the sudden we realized hmm he hasn't pooped in a couple of days! Now fast forward to now.. he's 7 years old and still dealing with it!

Every 4-6 months we go to the GI doc for a check up to make sure he's not too backed up and whatnot.. the answers always the same.. keep giving him the miralax. Triace referred us to CHKD when we renewed our referral this time. The doc we saw was very nice and she's familiar with the docs we were seeing at the Naval Hospital so that's a plus.. she can contact them about his history.

She orderd some tests including a celiac panel (because I'm gluten intolerant) and a few other tests that the old GI never did. She also tested for certain mineral difciencies and so on.. She wants to make sure there's nothing metabolically causing it I guess? We'll see in a week what the results say. I wouldn't be surprised if the celiac panel came back positive simply because I have issues and it can be hereditery. But he's almost gluten free at home, so she said it could come back negative because of that.. you usually have to be full on gluten for a result. I have not had the celiac test done personally because I'm quite happy off of gluten and I know what it does to me so I don't need to gluten myself to get a test to show that!! LOL

But really, I'm not expecting any answers. No one has any answers. We know his intestines are fine physically. Xrays he's had show no defects in his intestines thank goodness! The husband and I both cannot accept that it's "just constipation". Just constipation for five years?!?!!!!!! Seriously.. no miralax.. he doesn't poop. He has to have the medication to poop! That cannot be normal?! We also worry about what the miralax is doing to his body. It can't be good to be on this much miralax daily for as long as he has been! I could understand "just constipation" if it was an occasional problem. Once a month.. once every few weeks.. that I could accept. This is a problem we have to deal with daily. no meds.. no poop. we've tried weaning him off without any success! I would think that at some point in the past five years his body would have said hey.. I can do this without medication! It's frustrating for the kiddo too. He has accidents often that he has no control over which in turn causes him embarassment.. I'm sure it causes him pain when he does go and pain in his stomach when it's just sitting there.. I can't imagine it not bothering him, even though he says it doesn't. It stresses us out too. We worry if he gets hit in the stomach.. we worry if he starts throwing up for no reason.. the things that could happen because of this worry us!

So how long is too long? I do not want him to have to deal with this for his entire life! We never thought we'd be dealing with it for this long as it is! Shouldn't he be outgrowing this by now? Shouldn't his body know by now? We cannot accept that this is ok.. it just can't be good for his body.. any of it.. The meds or the constipation itself! It's a lot of stress on his insides.. being backed up all the time!!! I feel like we're looking for answers when there are no answers to be found.. and really all we want is a way to make this all go away for him!

I'm so impressed!!!!!

Now I'm sure to some, this is no big deal. To me, to our family, this is a HUGE deal. The boy has a writing disability. He hates writing with a passion because it's so damn difficult for him. He's smart as a whip, but when it comes to get that info from his brain to his pencil, well it just isn't easy for him. He recieves OT in school to help with this and he also gets one on one time with the special ed teacher to help him with his writing as well. As a result of this, art is not something that he enjoys, it downright frustrates the hell out of him. For the past two years, ten minutes was the max the art teacher would get out of him when she asked him to pick up a crayon and start drawing. We've accepted it, and she's incredibly patient with him in regards to this.

Well, yesterday he had art, for the first time this school year. They were told to answer the question "what is nature?" in a drawing. The drawing he brought home almost made me cry! He not only wrote the question at the top of the paper, but he drew a picture. An ENTIRE picture! He drew two trees, two cardinals, a bear, a moose, a sloth (hanging in the tree! ), and grass on the ground. He even made white antlers on the moose, which are hard to see, but they are definitely there.

Words cannot even express how proud of him that I am! I gushed over it all night long and I am now proudly hanging it in my living room for everyone to see. I spoke to his art teacher today and she was also so proud of him! She said she praised him throughout the class!
I hope this is something we will continue to see him improve in! It's amazing how well he has started this school year, despite all my fears about it!
Here is the artwork in question..

A few things I've realized lately...

My son is on the autism spectrum. This is a relatively new development in our lives. I've always known something was not right. I've pushed and pushed for some kind of diagnosis, not "oh he's a little adhd" or "he's a little OCD"... fact of the matter is he's not a little bit of those things.. and every doctor we've seen has always just commented on things seperately, not put everything together. Several weeks ago, I was sitting in the psychiatrists office for a med check with him, just like I have every month or so since January, and I was giving her the same lists of complaints I gave her each time. She stops me and says "well we've talked about him having aspergers before". It was a slap in the face. Ummm no, you haven't talked to me about it, nor has the psychologist we see either. She suggested we do some research on aspergers and get back to her. So I ordered some books.

Fast forward, I decide we need to see someone else because I honestly didn't care much for her from the get go. We go see another psychiatrist and he was amazing. He agreed that Connor is on the autism spectrum for sure. He talked to me about how everything we have concerns about all falls under this diagnosis. The OCD tendencies, the ADHD symptoms, the social and behavioral issues he has, everything! Suddenly everything makes sense with him. No, I'm not a shitty parent like some of my so called friends seem to think. No, he's not a spoiled brat who needs to be spanked or disciplined better like some people seem to think.

Suddenly I feel guilty. I feel like I've failed him in some ways. I have pushed him to play with people or act a certain way, when he really can't help it. I've disciplined him for things that he can't help. I've totally had to rethink the way I do things and I'm finally finding things that work.

As bad as this may sound, I'm glad we finally have this diagnosis. This opens up so many more doors for him. He can get ABA therapy, which will help him immensely with his social and behavioral issues. It will help us recognize what triggers him and give us ways to help him deal with the situations that make him uncomfortable. We can get him into a social skills group now, which would be a huge help for him as well. He just doesn't get social boundaries and other social related things that you or I would automatically realize. Even with constant reminders, he still doesn't understand it. I'm getting involved with our local chapter of the autism society, there are so many knowledgable people there that can help us navigate the next part of our lives.

I'm really anxious for the new school year to start. He's incredibly smart, but he worries so much about his work and he doesn't believe he's as smart as he really is. He's got an amazing teacher this year and I hope she can help him understand his true potential.

I feel like this is a new beginning for us. I hope we can now start to help him even more so his life can continue to improve!