Saturday, May 15, 2010

Can we be normal for a minute?

I wonder if our lives will ever be normal. I wonder if our lives will continue to be consumed with doctors appointments, medications, school and so on. So much has changed lately. We've moved to the depths of hell, errr Dahlgren, VA.. don't ask, it's nowhere. We have to drive an hour at least for any doctors appointments. The ONLY aba we found was in Pennsylvania.. 4 hours away! We have been through trial and error with meds. Now we are battling a new demon called tardive diskynesia. It's a horrible movement disorder that has me so scared that the kiddo is going to seriously hurt his neck one day because of it. He's constantly moving, constantly throwing his head back, flapping his hands, or just pacing back and forth. The only time he's perfectly still is when he's sleeping and then his sleep is filled with him talking in his sleep or waking up scared. Tardive Diskynesia was brought on by Abilify. I'm so angry at doctors for not being more careful with him. I'm so angry at them for not doing nuerological exams everytime we went in, so angry at them for brushing me off when I mentioned certain symptoms. I'm angry at them for never once telling me that this is a potential side effect.. a permanent side effect that he will be battling for the rest of his life most likely!

Moving was the worst thing we did. I love my friends here dearly, but PCSing in the middle of the school year is a nightmare. NEVER again will we do this because the kiddo has had the roughest go of things since moving here in October. He is not even going to school full time anymore, most of his learning takes place at home. I'm not even sure what our plan will be for next year yet, but I'm seriously considering full on homeschooling because I don't care much for the school. Maybe a change in administration will occur over the summer and then maybe my feelings will be different.. but for now, who knows.

I just wonder if things will ever be normal for us. I'm constantly worried and stressed out, so short tempered.. it's just no fun these days. I need a serious vacation, alone!!! I miss the beach and wish I could go back down there to visit my friends and just sit in the warm sand and stare out at the ocean for hours. I wish we could go a month without needing to go to a doctors appointment or worry about changing a medication or worry about what the hell these meds have done to the kiddo. I don't live my life dwelling on the past.. what's happened has happened.. but it sure would be nice to get a break.. even if for just a day or two...

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