That was unexpected...

Bi-polar. That's what the neuro psych said. Aspergers is still kinda in the mix, but he's leaning more towards bi-polar. This is devestating to me. This to me means he will be on medication for the rest of his life to keep his moods stable. He really described DS exactly based on his observations. DH and I were both impressed with how well he hit it about him.

The IQ portion of things was super enlightening. Overall he scored average, but the writing portion of the test he was well below average (duh, he has a writing disability!) and everything else was well above average. So the writing part is what put him overall smack dab in the middle. The IQ stuff was scary accurate and in line with our observations of DS.. everything we think he's good or not so good at. Very enlightening!

All in all, I'm in shock. Bi-polar was not what I was expecting at all and I'm sure my face showed it the minute he said those words. I'm processing it all and trying to figure out where we go from here. He talked a lot about getting with our Psych to change meds because there were probably meds that would help him more than the current mix we are on. He was very pro-med which just added to my upset about this.

I don't know where we go from here.. obviously continue with our psych and therapist regularly.. but it just makes me so sad to know this is not something that will ever be under control unless he's medicated. It scares me to even think of how this is going to affect him once hormones are thrown into the mix in a few years when he hits puberty.

It's funny.. aspergers I was totally OK with. I knew it was something he'd struggle with all his life, but I was ok with it. I'm not ok with this and I'm not sure I will be anytime soon.

So very nervous...

Today we finally get the test results from the Neuro Psych. We had testing done a month ago, a full day of testing to get an Aspergers diagnosis and a Dysgraphia diagnosis. Today we go back. At 4 pm downtown. Traffic is going to freaking suck on the way home, I'm not looking forward to that. I'm nervous. I don't know why. It's not like these test results are going to tell us anything we do not know already. It will however hopefully help us continue with services at school. I think that's why I'm so nervous. We're struggling to find justification to keep him on an IEP and I do not want to see that go. Thursday I have an eligibility meeting and these results will be shared during that as well in the hopes they will go with these results and not require more testing. After all, I just paid a crap ton for these tests.

I dunno.. I'm feeling babbly and probably making no sense whatsoever. I just want 4 pm to get here and get this appt done and over with. I feel like I am holding my breath until then.

Just when I think I'm nuts..

Just when I start to question myself, I'm snapped back to reality. I look at the kiddo and how well he's doing these days and wonder if he truly is on the autism spectrum. I do this often, I'm sure it's part of the acceptance process. But then something happens that forces me back to reality. Yesterday, I picked him up after school. The SPED teacher we absolutely adore is now off to have a baby. Yesterday was her last day. I bought some baby things for her, so we went to give them to her after school. The kiddo wouldn't hug her, wouldn't look at her. He loves this teacher so much.

After that we went down to see one of my friends who works there and then stopped by to chat with another teacher. While we were in the second teachers room, he was just so "off". He kept rambling off totally random things, over and over. He couldn't sit still while we were in there either. This is a teacher he's familiar with, so it's not like I put him in a weird place or something.

He wasn't himself when I picked him up from his classroom either. It was just a weird afternoon with him. I wish I could get him to open up and talk to me.. I mean really talk to me. I wish I could unlock his head somehow and just get in there!

I just want to know what he's thinking. I want to know his thoughts about everything. I feel like he has this huge secret and I'm not being let onto it. I know that sounds strange, but that's how I feel. Getting him to talk to me is so difficult. I mean he'll talk, he'll talk about all sorts of random things. He will spout off facts about Ancient Egypt or American Indians or even multiplication facts, but he just doesn't talk!

He is an absolutely brilliant child. Way smarter than he wants to admit. He has the potential to do anything in his future and be very successful, but it's all just locked up inside him! It makes me sad and frustrated and extremely proud all in the same.

What does a 7 year old confess?

The kiddo had his First Confession yesterday. This is a huge year for him. He was finally baptised about three weeks ago, First Confession yesterday and First Communion in May. What in the world does a 7 year old confess? Especially one who only has to remember the past three weeks? Whatever he confessed, it was such a proud moment yesterday. They had three priests in there for the kids. One in the regular confessional, one in another rarely used confessional, and then one they could sit with in the church. The kiddo went to the one in the church. I don't know if he sat face to face or back to back because I couldn't see that area of the church from where I was sitting. Watching him stand in line waiting his turn, he looked so incredibly serious and somber. He stood there extremely quiet and just waited his turn. He walked up and gave his confession and then walked back into the little chapel where we were waiting and went to the kneeler and immediately did his penance. He didn't even glance in our direction, just straight there. He sat back down with us when he was finished. I asked him quietly if he did all his penance and with great joy he said "Father only gave me one thing to do!" I am just so proud of him.

I was baptised a Catholic as a baby and remember doing CCD classes as a very young child, but it ended before I did First Communion because we moved and my parents never continued it. I still went to church, just various other churches.. whatever was convienent at the time. All through high school I went to a baptist church. So I don't know much about the Catholic religion compared to other parents whose kids are in the same CCD class as the kiddo. I felt a strong pull to enroll him in the classes last year though. Since he was born, I had felt a strong pull to get him baptised, but it was always something we kept putting off. When we finally had it done, I was just so happy to have it done!!!

He is truly enjoying religion classes every week. He loves learning about the Catholic faith. He's taking it way more seriously than I ever thought he would. He asks to go to Mass, something we never do, but will start doing at his request. I miss going to church every week and since the husband and I got married, forever ago, it's not anything we have ever done. I think we will start going more often. It's easy to go on a Saturday evening, it's only an hour.. we can surely spare an hour of our time on the weekends, right?

Religion used to play such an important part in my life. I still have my faith and feel strongly about what I believe in, but I miss going to church and being active in a church like I was in my youth. I'm feeling a strong pull to make it more important in my life again, so that is what I will do.

Tasty Tuesday.. Zucchini Crust Pizza

I made this recipe last week and even the kiddo gobbled it down! I plan on making it again soon with the zucchini I bought this weekend. Even if you're not gluten free like me, it's still a yummy recipe to try out, and a great way to sneak in some veggies for the kids. I didn't even taste the zucchini in it!!

The recipe came from here.. http://www.celiac.com/articles/388/1/Zucchini-Crust-Pizza-Gluten-Free/Page1.html

Zucchini-Crust Pizza (Gluten-Free)
This recipe comes to us from Mireille Cote.

3 ½ cup coarsely grated zucchini
salt
3 eggs, beaten
1/3 cup gluten-free flour mix
½ cup grated gluten-free mozzarella cheese
½ cup grated gluten-free Parmesan cheese
1 Tbsp. fresh basil, minced
salt and pepper to taste

Salt zucchini and let stand 15 minutes to draw out moisture. Squeeze the moisture out really well. Combine zucchini with remaining ingredients and spread onto a medium pizza pan that has been well oiled. Bake at 350 F for 25-30 minutes until surface is dry and firm. Brush top with oil and broil under moderate heat for 5 minutes. Top with desired pizza toppings and
bake at 350 F for 20-25 minutes. Cut into squares.

Now, there are a few things I should note. I used more flour than it called for because it seemed awfully soupy to me when it was mixed up. I also used 1 cup of Italian blend cheese instead of the cheese it called for. Even with the extra flour in there, it was still pretty soupy. I poured it onto a cookie sheet and spread it out pretty thin because I like thin crust pizza. All in all, it's a great recipe and I give it two thumbs up on this Tasty Tuesday!

Just for giggles and grins..

I decided to bring a pedometer to work today. In less than 3 hours, I walked 3,549 steps for a total of 3.36 miles! You'd think with all that walking I do at work that weight would be just falling off of me, right? Not so lucky I guess. I had no clue I walked around that much. I knew it was a lot, I'm on my feet the entire time I'm at work, but that's a lot of steps in less than 3 hours!!! I'm going to start bringing that with me every day to see how much I do.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

I'm sick of it. Just plain sick of it. My body is out of control and I'm taking the control back! I'm going walking several times a week now. Starting today. Last year I lost 30+ pounds and felt awesome and looked better too! Since the husband came home from deployment, I've gained about 25 of it back. I'm still around 10 pounds less than my heaviest weight, so that's good. Sooooo I'm saying it, for all of the interwebz to see.. I will work out at least three days a week. Today was my first day this week. I plugged in my iPod and started walking da hood. I have that nifty nike iPod thang and it logged all my hard work! YAY!

Today I...
walked 1.39 miles
in 26 minutes 35 seconds
I had a 19'05" per mile pace
and 273 calories burned

Not too bad considering I wasn't really walking that fast. Of course my legs feel like jelly right now, but it's a good jelly feeling! HAHA!

My first goal has nothing to do with weight. I want to get 1.5 miles in 30 minutes or less.

I can do this, right? Lots of people do this everyday!

Eventually I'll start going to the gym again too, or dust off my Wii Fit and work out on that too.

I can totally do this and get healthy again!