Just when I think I'm nuts..

Just when I start to question myself, I'm snapped back to reality. I look at the kiddo and how well he's doing these days and wonder if he truly is on the autism spectrum. I do this often, I'm sure it's part of the acceptance process. But then something happens that forces me back to reality. Yesterday, I picked him up after school. The SPED teacher we absolutely adore is now off to have a baby. Yesterday was her last day. I bought some baby things for her, so we went to give them to her after school. The kiddo wouldn't hug her, wouldn't look at her. He loves this teacher so much.

After that we went down to see one of my friends who works there and then stopped by to chat with another teacher. While we were in the second teachers room, he was just so "off". He kept rambling off totally random things, over and over. He couldn't sit still while we were in there either. This is a teacher he's familiar with, so it's not like I put him in a weird place or something.

He wasn't himself when I picked him up from his classroom either. It was just a weird afternoon with him. I wish I could get him to open up and talk to me.. I mean really talk to me. I wish I could unlock his head somehow and just get in there!

I just want to know what he's thinking. I want to know his thoughts about everything. I feel like he has this huge secret and I'm not being let onto it. I know that sounds strange, but that's how I feel. Getting him to talk to me is so difficult. I mean he'll talk, he'll talk about all sorts of random things. He will spout off facts about Ancient Egypt or American Indians or even multiplication facts, but he just doesn't talk!

He is an absolutely brilliant child. Way smarter than he wants to admit. He has the potential to do anything in his future and be very successful, but it's all just locked up inside him! It makes me sad and frustrated and extremely proud all in the same.