Mindless rambling..

so much is going on right now. The kiddo did not go to school today as we had planned. He says he doesn't want to go back at all, so we'll see where we end up with that. If I thought I could effectively home school him, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I cannot provide him with what he needs right now.

the psych and the therapist both think my child needs to be admitted to a hospital or a day treatment program. I gave in and called the day facility today. While I think it would be a viable option for us, they have a waiting list and they can't say how long we'd be on it. The good news is, they offer anger management therapy for kids and parenting skills workshops to help us better deal with this. I am going to fill out the application and go through the screening process with them and hopefully at the very least we can do these things. Even if it completely disrupts our regular schedule, we need to do something.

I'm not denying that something needs to change, because I wholeheartedly agree it does. I've been telling his doctors that for months. And unfortunately now we are at a point where there needs to be extreme measures taken according to them.

I'm exhausted.. both emotionally and physically. I've lost 7 pounds since Wednesday when this all went down because I'm barely able to eat. I'm on the verge of tears constantly and hold my breath every time I tell him no about something. I should not be living my life in fear of my 7 year old child. I wish I had an immediate solution that we could start working with right now, besides admitting to the hospital. I've been second guessing myself since we were at the hospital Wednesday. I want him to not be so angry anymore. I want him to be happy. I want to see him smiling all the time, not looking so sad and depressed all the time. I want things back to normal.